Disheartened.
Though It is no responsibility of anyone to appreciate another's work.
I abandoned my illustration business.
I used my savings to create art for a year but was unable to create a revenue source, though I tried every option. I did not want to spend time or money marketing that could be better spent on quality and originality. That coupled with every attempt to discover and mediate meaning. I sold no art at either of the shows I displayed my oils at.
I see my work as all the same, I love it the way it is and when people buy a few or pick through, I feel that they are seeing what the general public would find most appealing and feel like locking it all up in storage is the beast chance at persevering whatever value I may have left (about 60 paintings)
My autobiography is complete and published in in my store, zero sales, (including myself) I was really interested in audio, but that to, seems endlessly intolerably less than silent but negative responses to my work. I look at it, the audio, the paintings, the drawings and videos and I love them, but maybe in representing meaning I have told a story to close and personal that has little to no relevance to you. and why should it.
I guess my gamble was in being common and in having open struggles, in being hungry, losing dignity, in that alone I thought I would easily relate. and maybe someday I will.
for now.
I think I will have to go back to making art for other peoples projects. I was well paid then.
I intend to continue to trickle audio and video work as I find time. I will also continue to write. Ideally, I would love to get back to the point where I can get my virtual gallery back online and populate it with about 8 customized 'free willed' ai residents that would create unique work in 3D and 2D mediums. But that will take me a while to get back to.
It was fun. I enjoyed talking to the void endlessly for years.
Once I am re-established, the Virtual Gallery will go live (publicly accessible) and I will blog directly on the site avian. (If you know how to use an .oar file, you can download the current version here )