Saturday, November 23, 2024

I can't do this anymore

All my life I have been told to follow my dreams. To never give up. And to listen to my heart.

I followed that advice. I was obedient and disciplined. I taught myself art history, technique, I studied a variety of mediums and searched my soul through hiking and journaling, to find my perspective in art.

I have dedicated three solid years, and before that, two years, to incoprea i wish it well, but I cannot afford to continue. Both mentally and finanacialy.  

We never really know how long we'll live and i'm almost fifty. I have to take some time off and let it go on its own. I will continue to explore and dream. There's really no way to shut that part off anyway.

When I rented this apartment near Taylor's Falls, I had high ambitions. Three years later, I am in debt to friends, family and of course, credit cards etc. I was one hundred percent focused on incoprea, my freelance illustration business, and working delivery routes for amazon in the blue truck when things got harder financially. My freelance work went from about eight thousand a month, twenty years ago to twelve hundred a month at the end, same full time hours. When you take into account, Adobe wants 60 bucks from me a month and my internet wants a 140 a month. etc.. you can see how i'm running negative.

I am going to get a small storage unit tomorrow that's climate controlled and secured to put all of my artwork in and hopefully return to it someday. I'll be able to access it if anybody ever orders any on etsy but the prices are relatively high intentionally. I think the value will go up at some point, if not I can pass them along. 

Most artists sell their work for very little, then when it does go up, they lose all of that differnce. For example, someone will buy a painting for fifty dollars and when that artist is more well known, they will sell that painting for six thousand dollars.But the original artist gets none of that. I understand an investor should get a return, but at what multiple from the original artists income?

I'm probably going to disappear online for a while or forever. First time since nineteen eighty four without a computer and I would like to say that it's freeing and wonderful, but I also miss it.

I guess one of the biggest things I learned from this project is that your perspective is the most valuable thing when it comes to meaning in art. People want to hear other people's truth.

I was interested in ai a decade ago, when I first heard about it. Keeping up to date on the news as they progressed. The ai art was malformed and misunderstood., I instantly related to that. In fact, as it started to get better towards the end and didn't have the errors and had somewhat less missunderstanding, I could relate less to it. Lol

I could have created work that was popular or trendy. I could have set up a patreon / gofunme etc, but that would all be ignoring my goal of producing the most high quality work from my perspective. And for that, I continue to pay the cost. And why shouldn't I? It's my vision and my projects. There are a lot more needs in the world than supporting my personal visions of art.

I was really hoping that Openai would release their AI. Video program Sora in time for me to use it to have higher quality work. But unfortunately, they only selected a few artists and locked everybody else out. So everything I did was done with Runway, and I hope they kick Soras a**!

Unfinished business;

There are three books that I had outlined, but never finished and I wish that I had. Incoprea vol 2 may forever be in draft form. And there are three large oil paintings, I would say are like seventy percent done. To storage you go for now! 

* if anything should happen to me and somebody ends up with my unfinished oil paintings, you have my permission and encouragement to complete them.

I can't do this anymore

All my life I have been told to follow my dreams. To never give up. And to listen to my heart. I followed that advice. I was obedient and di...